The other day I was shopping online for a beard trimmer and while doing so I found something so amazing that it sparked a whole new series on this blog. I am going to call it “This is a Thing”, and it’s going to focus on amazingly shitty things that I have found on the internet. I don’t know why I get so much amusement out of these ridiculous inventions but I do.
So first up on “This is a Thing” is the amazing and ultra useful Goatee Saver! Have you ever accidentally cut off your nose while trying to shape the perfect goatee? Have you ever lost half of your lower lip because you lack the necessary hand-eye coordination and patience to shave properly? Are you unable to perform basic functions of hygiene without the help of useless devices? Then you are in luck! Because now you can buy a Goatee Saver and look like you are competent while sporting a facial hair look that died out over 15 years ago!
Really? Do people actually need help shaping a goatee? It could be one of the simplest forms of facial hair. No beard on the left side, no beard on the right, and voila! You have a goatee. I know there is a bit more to it than that, but not too much. With a little patience and a little practice, anyone who grows facial hair can shave a goatee. As with all “As seen on T.V.” merchandise, many these wonderful products are sold by making the average person feel like a simple task is monumental and requires Herculean strength and genius level IQ to complete.
If you want a good example check out the ads for the Pancake Flipper. I love watching a 30 min commercial trying to convince me that flipping pancakes is hard, and in some cases dangerous. I have not seen any commercials for the Goatee Saver and I have not read anything telling me that shaving with out it is dangerous but no one would ever buy one if he was not convinced that shaving is difficult.
I’m pretty sure that things will only get more and more strange from here on. I have already found things that top the Goatee Saver. I’ll end with this, The Goatee Saver this is a real thing that someone made, and I think they shouldn’t have.