Alright I’m back with a new This is A Thing and I must say that this week I have an interesting one. Back in the day I drove a 1992 sea foam green Geo Metro hatchback. On my dashboard was Haley the Hula girl, swaying her hips with every bump and turn in the road. Haley was given to me as a joke gift for being in a friend’s wedding. I treasured it, not because it was expensive or because of some deep meaning it held, but because of how awesomely tacky it was. Slicey the Pig though goes way past tacky into the “just wrong” category.
That’s right, Slicey the Pig Dashboard Wiggler can take the interior of your car from its current state to way past tacky and into the “creeper” territory. Nothing says “think twice about riding with this person” like a half cut open pig with a knife sticking out of its stomach while wiggling its hips on the dash of your car. There is little I could think positively about a person at first glance if I they pulled up with this automotive art work sitting in plain view. Terrible sense of humor, check. Bad taste in decoration, check. Strange desire to see things cut in half but still smiling, also check.
I can’t say that anyone who buys one of these is a bad person or has creepy tendencies, but it will sure as hell make me think so for a while if I see it in someone’s car. I’m not saying that the guy with a bloody chainsaw in his back seat is a grisly axe murderer [Ed. Note: Of course he isn't - he's a grisly chainsaw murderer] but I’m not really going to be all that excited to ride in the car with him or let him pick my kids up from school.
Even the product description is morbid as hell “Slicey the Pig just realized how delicious he is and now he wants to share himself with you! Taken from an old French advertisement, this vinyl pig holds a large carving knife to his own mid-section while he grins maniacally. Stick this 6-1/2″ piggy on the dashboard of your car with the adhesive base and he will go into a slicing frenzy every time you go over a bump. That crazy Slicey, what will he do next?”
The creators can’t have been serious about anyone actually putting this on their dash. My guess is that this was designed for white elephant gifts and gag gifts at office holiday parties. I would lose a lot of hope for the world if people were to actually use this.
Slicey the Dashboard Wiggler is a thing and I wish it weren’t