From time to time I find something that I absolutely love. This is one of those times. I don’t really have much to say about it; watch it, absorb the message and be forever changed. Scoobysetp, this is a thing and I’m so glad it is!
This mix is put together by the very talented Pogo, who assembles entire pieces of music by mixing together samples from movies & real life. See a few more examples of his work below, then check out the rest at his website.
Sometimes I look down at my iPad, or get done using some form of video chat, and I think to my self “I’m living in the future!” I get that feeling whenever some awesome innovation comes along that changes the way I live my life. I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets the “future feeling”. It might be when you unlock your car door by reaching for the handle, turn on your computer with a fingerprint, or have a silly robot cleaning your living room floor, but the feeling is the same. While we don’t have flying cars (yet), many of the awesome things I have been waiting for since childhood have finally come around. I am proud to say that we have once again hit one of those landmark moments in history when the future becomes the present (I think I stole that from Robo Cop).
This last week I was blown away to find out that giant robots are now, in fact, real! A new company in Japan Suidobashi Heavy Industry has begun sales of the first mass production rideable giant robot called “Kuratas.” I use the term “mass produced’ tongue in cheek, due to the $1.3 million dollar price tag; I doubt these will be rolling off the line like your average Honda Accord.
I have to admit that I didn’t think the first giant robot would feature Microsoft Kinect capabilities but I somehow knew that MS would have something to do with the first great robot rebellion. It’s hard to put into words the excitement I feel for real giant robots armed with water rocket launchers, foam ball gatling guns, and giant metal claws. As with everything, I’m going to wait until a second model is released before buying one; I want to make sure they get all the bugs out first.
Not only does this robot have a top speed of an amazing 6 mph and optional iPhone controls, but you can also pick a custom color package. What? Gun metal grey isn’t your bag? Try lightning yellow, just in case having your own 12 foot giant robot isn’t screaming “look at me!” enough.
I guess this Old Glory Robot Insurance I bought might actually come in handy eh?
Would you want your child walking into their first game of Russian Roulette and looking like they had never played before? Are you afraid that your boss might make you play at your next office party and you don’t want to look like a noob? Then this week’s This is a Thing is for you: The Kaba Kick. For the sake of full disclosure I have to admit that this week’s item isn’t actually being made anymore. I guess it really should be called “This was a thing.” But I can’t not write about this one just because someone actually figured out that the idea was terrible enough to pull it from store shelves.
It’s simple – your child puts the gun up to his/her head and pulls the cute pink trigger and if s/he wins, nothing happens. Lose, and a cute pair of little pink feet kick him/her in the head. There is nothing better than cute pink imitation suicide turned into a game of chance. I know I sound like a stickler when I write things like this, but really? Did someone really think “Well I guess all the good ideas for toys have been invented, but no one has done suicide yet. That will be fun!” I can’t help but think back to old episodes of Saturday Night Live with Dan Aykroyd selling his toy “Bag O’Glass.”
It’s funny to see something like this as a product, but it’s scary to think that someone thought it was a good idea. I guess there is not much more to say about this one. The Kaba Kick is a Thing and it really shouldn’t be (but I’m kinda glad it was).
Alright I’m back with a new This is A Thing and I must say that this week I have an interesting one. Back in the day I drove a 1992 sea foam green Geo Metro hatchback. On my dashboard was Haley the Hula girl, swaying her hips with every bump and turn in the road. Haley was given to me as a joke gift for being in a friend’s wedding. I treasured it, not because it was expensive or because of some deep meaning it held, but because of how awesomely tacky it was. Slicey the Pig though goes way past tacky into the “just wrong” category.
That’s right, Slicey the Pig Dashboard Wiggler can take the interior of your car from its current state to way past tacky and into the “creeper” territory. Nothing says “think twice about riding with this person” like a half cut open pig with a knife sticking out of its stomach while wiggling its hips on the dash of your car. There is little I could think positively about a person at first glance if I they pulled up with this automotive art work sitting in plain view. Terrible sense of humor, check. Bad taste in decoration, check. Strange desire to see things cut in half but still smiling, also check.
I can’t say that anyone who buys one of these is a bad person or has creepy tendencies, but it will sure as hell make me think so for a while if I see it in someone’s car. I’m not saying that the guy with a bloody chainsaw in his back seat is a grisly axe murderer [Ed. Note: Of course he isn't - he's a grisly chainsaw murderer] but I’m not really going to be all that excited to ride in the car with him or let him pick my kids up from school.
Even the product description is morbid as hell “Slicey the Pig just realized how delicious he is and now he wants to share himself with you! Taken from an old French advertisement, this vinyl pig holds a large carving knife to his own mid-section while he grins maniacally. Stick this 6-1/2″ piggy on the dashboard of your car with the adhesive base and he will go into a slicing frenzy every time you go over a bump. That crazy Slicey, what will he do next?”
The creators can’t have been serious about anyone actually putting this on their dash. My guess is that this was designed for white elephant gifts and gag gifts at office holiday parties. I would lose a lot of hope for the world if people were to actually use this.
Slicey the Dashboard Wiggler is a thing and I wish it weren’t
Yup, it’s that time again, This is a Thing is back with another treat. This week it’s The Horse Head Mask. It’s hard not to simply write “what the fuck” and hit publish. I’m sure everyone has at least one of these in their closet right? Who doesn’t feel the urge from time to time to throw on a horse head mask and walk around doing, you know, horse stuff?
This thing is seriously creeping me out though, I am waiting to put the images in this article until I’m done writing it so I don’t have to keep looking at them. I’m racking my brain as to why someone would want this. I mean $19.99 for a realistic horse head is a steal, but I’m coming up short on uses for it. I’m starting a list, as I come up with things over the weekend I’ll list them here and see what accrues before publish date. I’ll probably ask Twitter and Facebook as well, see if some crowd sourcing will come up with a decent reason to buy this godawful looking thing.
Here is my list of uses for the Horse Head Mask:
To scare small children.
To convince close relatives that you have gone clinically insane.
Couldn’t come up with a real Halloween costume.
You are a furry (see also, the second point).
You want to give your significant other a reason to dump your ass.
ThinkGeek has shown that they are great for lonely people who want to make music videos.
They are great for making internet memes.
Horse trainers might use them to really “get into the head” of their horses.
Spice up your sex life by bringing horseplay into the bedroom.
None of those are really a good reason to buy something like a realistic horse head mask, but perhaps Twitter and Facebook can help me find the answers I am looking for…
Joshua Bentley - Be terrified by it.
Dustin Snyder - Haunt the Godfather.
Mike Weem - I would set it over my desk at work, allowing it to silently judge me…
Rusty D. Jinx - Put that on with a suit of armor, then do the grocery shopping.
Kevin Hyatt - Drive thru.
Adam Parker - Put it in the bed of my enemy so that he would wake up and scream, knowing that I am the true Godfather.
Allen Tiberius Gladfelter - I would put it in Adam Parker’s bed, for stealing my idea first.
Matthew Kent Tucker - I’d probably shoot a music video with James Van Der Beek.
Hilary Preston - you need unicorn horns and glitter for the van der beek vid.
Jerry LeNeave - I saw someone get their wedding photos taken where the entire wedding party was wearing those.
Because children need more emotional scars
After all these great ideas I’m still stuck in “What the fuck?” land. I’m sure some fun has been had with these creepy looking things, mostly in Japan from what I have been told, but I’m still gonna put this in the category of This is a Thing and I really think it shouldn’t be.